My husband and I have been married for 14 months now (April 2010) but we moved in together about eight months before the wedding and while living in this pre ttc, wedding planning bliss I realised one day at the end of that January that I was 7days late and at the same time realised the 10 trips to the loo every 30 min were not normal as were some other tiny "symptoms".
Thats the day I discovered Dr google, I mean I had been an internet junkie for as long as I could remeber and had been in love with google ever since my first year at university when I realised typing an assignment question into google is actually all you need to do and voila your paper is written. However I had never used google as my Dr who should and will from that day foward diagnose every twitch and cramp and cervical mucus and breast change as a Symptom for pregnancy.
To get back to this day in January, Dr google quickly informed me that all these "symptoms" meant that I was pregnant and just like that my life changed. I started obsessing about this "pregnancy", did we want it at this point? were we ready? I want to get sloshed at my wedding and party the night away with my friends and I can't while pregnant, .......... what a joke.
So when af had'nt shown up the following day I picked up a pregnancy test on my way home from work and when I got home went straight to the bathroom to find yes you guessed it af sitting there smiling at me from my panties saying "Hi there, missed me? false alarm, just wanted to fuck with you a bit, no need to go buying tests and getting emotional, its okay get out the tampons, game over. I took the test anyway and there it was my first BFN. I was 25 and this was the first time I had ever taken a pregnancy test (even after 4 years of the pull out method I had never had a "scare" that right there should have been a warning sign). Sitting on the toilet staring at that one line is the moment I caught the baby bug (is there medication one can take for this?). When my fiance came home I broke down in tears and told him the events of the past 2 days, he comforted me as best as he could and 6 days later in early February we started ttc.
Sometimes I wish we had'nt opened that pandora's box and maybe now we would be in the 2nd month of ttc still "having fun trying" and we both could have enjoyed a much better first year of marriage just having fun and even though we would have faced the same drama over the next sixteen months we would at least have postponed the pain.
Oh - the anguish begins again today, CD1.
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