My mother and I talk about one a day, and I talk to my mother in law once a week or so. Both of these woman desperately want me to have a baby for me and for their own personal reasons one of these being "to make your marriage stronger", anyway they used to ask me all the time about what progress we are making and after a year of the same answer they have stopped asking.
It seems to me that I should be relieved by this new turn of events but after a couple of weeks of them not asking I started to feel like they are feeling not guilt as I had assumed for making me feel like there is something wrong with me for giving them the great news they wanted to hear but because they feel sorry for me which is so much worse, I mean i dont want for them to keep asking me but I would rather that than them pitying me and making a deliberate effort to not only avoid the subject all together but also avoid talking about other people's babies or even pregnancy in general.
I have over the past few weeks started avoiding their calls which hurts me more than I can describe.
Infertility has robbed me already of so much and I am only 15 moths in ( hopefully 15 months is it and i will fall pregnant this month, and now with that sentence i feel like i've just jinxed myself), please God dont let it rob me of my support system as well.
Fuck, this sucks.
We just told my mother in law and she cried. It took them 12 years to conceive my husband (which she did at age 45). My mom's told me a few times to relax or that I'm just stressed. I know she isn't trying to be mean, she just doesn't know.
ReplyDeleteThis is a hard struggle, not for the faint of heart. Keep up the fight and I hope this month is your month.
Thank you so much.
ReplyDelete