The pink elephant

My mother and I talk about one a day, and I talk to my mother in law once a week or so. Both of these woman desperately want me to have a baby for me and for their own personal reasons one of these being "to make your marriage stronger", anyway they used to ask me all the time about what progress we are making and after a year of the same answer they have stopped asking. 
It seems to me that I should be relieved by this new turn of events but after a couple of weeks of them not asking I started to feel like they are feeling not guilt as I had assumed for making me feel like there is something wrong with me for giving them the great news they wanted to hear  but because they feel sorry for me which is so much worse, I mean i dont want for them to keep asking me but I would rather that than them pitying me and making a deliberate effort to not only avoid the subject all together but also avoid talking about other people's babies or even pregnancy in general.
I have over the past few weeks started avoiding their calls which hurts me more than I can describe.

Infertility has robbed me already of so much and I am only 15 moths in ( hopefully 15 months is it and i will fall pregnant this month, and now with that sentence i feel like i've just jinxed myself), please God dont let it rob me of my support system as well.
Fuck, this sucks.

CD 27

I titled my blog this because this is the last day of my cycle and the day after which my period will come to ruin my month, at least the preceding 2 weeks of hope.

After cd 27 I no longer have anything to hope for, anything to look foward to, its once again all over and a new month of drama starts.
Cd27 is also the happiest day of my month because this is day when if my period is even a second late I go into raptures of  hope and excitement, if only I could bottle that feeling for the following day when cd1 inevitably comes rolling on and those feelings are replaced with despair and anguish not to mention the cramps and headaches that accompany af.
So here is to Cd27 my best and worst day.

month 15 trying

Its been over a year of ttc for me and my hubby and the strain is strating to show, hopefully this blog will help me cope and stop my husband  pouring acid down his neck in an effort to escape the constant  ttc topic.